Obligations

Have you ever wondered what the world would be like without obligations? That maybe, without these obligations, we would be freer to do things as we please, at any time, and at any place? However wouldn't that result to chaos and disorder in the long run? Then again, are these obligations that we speak of related to the general order of the world in the larger way? And if so, HOW are they related?

I am thinking out loud again, and I find myself in a puzzle. If I choose to ignore my obligations, such as my work, my travel plans this week and my teaching job next week and just take off and literally let the wind carry me to my next destination- what would happen? Let's see, I probably wouldn't get fired by my dad, though I would get a scolding for wasting perfectly arranged plane tickets for two. As for Ateneo, yes, I probably would be replaced if I failed to return for a number of unannounced days. At home, things would run well without me. My perfectly trained and capable sister Tina could help my mom run the household and do my chores, and my siblings realistically can take care of my dog while I am away. Then again, I would probably also be scolded for just taking off unscheduled.

At the end of it all, the answer is quite clear, I can choose to ignore my so-called obligations, and life around me will still run the way it was designed to. The next question is whether or not I want to let go of them. Then again, who wants to be burdened by these obligations that leave us tired and weary most of the time?

The answer is simple. We all want it. You do, I do, We all do. Whether its reasons of self-importance or self-growth or the numerous other reasons out there, obligations give people a sense of well-being, but more than that, a sense of fulfilment. And it is when we are fulfiled that we are sated.

Now, having said all that, I think it all boils down to choosing our obligations. It is no longer choosing whether we want to perform our obligations, but choosing obligations per se be it moral or social obligations. I ask myself this time, whether I choose to involve myself in obligations with regard to serving God. The automatic answer would be "yes!! I attend Sunday masses!"- but does that really suffice? (especially if hypothetically I spent the majority of the Mass thinking about other things)

The thing is, I want to involve God in all my obligations. And yes, it is perfectly doable and possible. And it is something I want and I'm writing about because I want to be reminded of it each time I whine, complain or ponder about yet another obligation. My obligations will only have meaning if God is involved, and it will only have fulfilment if accomplished with God.

I can only pray for the success of this endeavor.

Old Friends, New Friends

"Make new friends but keep the old,
those are silver while these are gold..."

Making my Christmas lists every year is always something I look forward to, because this is the time I get to sift over my friends and divide them according to groups, i.e. high school, college, beijing, post-beijing, aim friends, cdo friends etc etc. It was only this year that I realized that I have gone on several phases of my life and in each phase, I was blessed to have specific groups of friends whom I get close to and meet up with from time to time.

There is something that has to be said about Old Friends... these are those who have been with you from early on, and who have seen you at your worst and ugliest moments of your life (remember puberty?)... these are friends who may be separated from you either by distance, or simply because you went to different colleges and therefore, different paths since then, but when you meet up regardless of the number of months, or years, you feel no awkwardness, no strange feelings of uncertainty and doubt. These are your buddies for life, and the best moment would be reuniting with an Old Friend.

Take my high school friend Tonee for example- all through college and even post college, I can say that she was perhaps the high school kabarkada of mine whom I saw least. I saw and communicated with our friends in the States even more than I did with her (and she lives 10 minutes away from me). But recently, a couple of months ago, we started going out again, and its just so nice to rekindle past friendships, especially those that have existed for more than half your life. Even my Beijing sister and room mate Didi was an Old Friend who I lost touch with in college but whom I was pleasantly reunited with when I needed a room mate in Beijing.

There are New Friends too, who are just as important and special. These are friends who know us as we are now but who make the bestest friends simply because of the shared joys and consistencies of friendship.

I suppose I can say that I am really quite fortunate with my friends. I may not have dozens of friends and hundreds of options in my phonebook, but I do have solid friends who I know I can always count on time and time again.

These are the friends who matter. These are friendships that were built to last.

You know who you are, I love you guys.

The Art of Goodbyes

I think I learned something valuable today.

Taking stock of my life so far, I realized that most of it was lived in an altogether sheltered life. I never had to want for many things. Materially, things were just always there for me. It was not that difficult for me to gain friends and go through the stages of life. I never had angst and depression plague my life, nor did I have extreme fits of rebellion of any kind. I never was one who threw tantrums, and although my very patient and sane boyfriend can attest to the fact that I do have some psychotic moments (full blame on PMS), I was normal, and straight.

One thing I could not ever master though, was the art of saying goodbye, albeit temporarily. I call saying goodbye an art because there are thousands of ways of saying goodbye. I don't think that there is one exact manner in which a person or two persons say goodbye to each other. Therefore, if there are 8 billion people in this world, imagine 8 billion ways of saying goodbye. My parents taught me many things in my life, but saying goodbye was not one of them. I always either rushed through my goodbyes (as not to cry), or lingered over it too long (thus causing my tear ducts to overflow). Nonetheless, it was goodbye. For now, for a day, for a week, or even for ever.

My boyfriend left today for 25 days. Of course we have been apart far longer than that (once or twice). But what I realized was that I never could get over the first day quite so smoothly. I have teary moments, scary moments, poignant and happy moments and even prayerful moments. After today, they may lessen and fade as day 24 and 25 creep by, to be replaced instead by anticipation and excitement.

So what did I learn today? Hmm... I'm learning not to be pakipot in admitting that I do and will miss my beloved a lot. (and I'm not talking about Oreo!)

Have fun though, for both of us!