Fear is the Absence of Peace

At the funeral mass I attended the other night, the priest said something which set the tone for my reflections over the last few days. He asked us what we thought was the opposite of peace. Many said "War was the opposite of peace" while some said that chaos was the answer. But both answers proved to be wrong. I was shaken when he said that ultimately, the opposite of peace was FEAR. Fear of not knowing leads to chaos and disorder. Fear leads people to do things that would gravitate towards war.

Looking back at my own life, I have always been a fearful person. People close to me have said that my worst quality would be that I am a very paranoid person, always worrying about things. I suppose I always thought that my worrying over the littlest things is what would somehow bring order to my world. I was dead wrong.

People left and right have been telling me to let go. To stop being a control freak and to stop worrying what will happen if I stop worrying over the most trivial things. The world will not stop turning if I stop giving a damn about things.

My fears have been blocking peace from prevailing in my life. I know that now. I also am in the process of learning that I have to believe in people more and the abilities and strengths of those around me.

Ah life- what would I have become had I been stuck to what I always thought was right?

The Birth of a Soul

A month and a half ago, my good friend Chester's dad passed away after a long and courageous battle with cancer. He was 59.

Last Saturday, our family friend, Tito Gerry Gabuya, died after a massive heart attack struck him without prior warning. He was 58.

A few weeks ago, the mom of another close friend of ours was diagnosed with Stage 3 ovarian cancer and is now undergoing chemo treatments.

I know that death is inevitable. But I still get shaken everytime it hits closer and closer. I pray to God everyday about my death... the whens and hows. I pray to God to give me courage to accept the deaths occuring around me and more courage to prepare losing those I love the most. At times, I pray for the convenience of going ahead of those I love, only to chastise myself for my cowardice.

I keep asking, "Why them God???" only to take it back, fearing that I have condemned others to die by questioning the death of someone I knew.

I realize that at the end of the day, what I CAN pray for is peace. Peace for the families of those who are suffering from losses. Peace for those who are struggling to live. And peace for myself, so that I can finally accept and truly believe that we all have to die in order for our souls to live forever.