My Thoughts Exactly

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Two days after we commemorated the death of a martyr, another tragedy befell. Too many thoughts swimming in my head over the hostage drama that caused the unnecessary deaths of 8 Hong Kong nationals (3 of whom are Canadian citizens, incidentally). I am saddened by the fact that a happy excursion day for a bunch of foreigners ended as the worst day of their lives, and the end of many. I grieve for the dead and their relatives, for the mother whose entire family was killed in the shoot out, for random foreigners who were virtually used as human shields by a selfish man, whose sole purpose was to get reinstated into a position he deserved to get sacked from. But my strong feelings do not end there.

Upon watching the bloody resolution of the hostage situation, my first thought was how embarrassing it was for the whole world to watch (in LIVE coverage) our inept and inefficient police force handle this crisis. I've never been a fan of the police force, or the MMDA, or Barangay officials. I think that most of them are extremely corrupt individuals who's lack in training and qualifications make them and the system completely inefficient to handle major situations such as this. Moreover, the pictures of policemen posing in front of the tourist bus for a souvenir photo is downright disgusting. With that aside, it is fully understandable to have the Hong Kong government express disappointment at the way the situation was handled.

However, I believe that people should stop blaming Noynoy for this incident, for lack of a better scapegoat. If people want to create scapegoats- then why not blame the entire system? In as much as it is true that the President of our country is supposed to be in charge, I think it is quite unfair to blame a less than 100-day President for the long standing problems faced by this country. We elected him because we were sick and tired of the same system that has gone on for too long, but we all know that for real change to happen- A LOT of steps must be taken. It's unfair to cry foul when Noynoy has barely made his first step. If we want to contribute to the changes needed for this country, the FIRST thing we must learn to do is to think clearly, intelligently and use our heads before our mouths. There is a much bigger picture that exists out there and nothing will happen if people refuse to see that.

Labels: ,

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Dear Siblings in Vancouver,

I am filled with so much emotion as i write this. It is so difficult to fathom the fact that my little trip has come to an end. I know that our goodbyes this time is sadder than the other goodbyes, and I honestly don't know how to go about it.

So... let me just put together all the fun things we did (not in any particular order)-

-scrambling to get to seattle- the first leg-- oh tina!
-brunches with Karyn at Secret Garden and Sophie's- i so love mornings, and i enjoyed these meals so much!
-lunch at Vij! Thanks tina- you really went over and beyond your food preference to go on this food trip with me!
-Nando's! need i say more???
-Free drinks at Starbucks!!! Muchas thanks to my darling sister and her generous co-workers--
-The Wolf and Hound- Thanks bro, for sharing my new love of pubs!
-Trekking to SFU.. how on earth do you do all that tina????
-Downtown and West 4th shopping days!
-simply being with you.

Of course it was enjoyable too because Denz was here, and lovely friends all over Vancouver, OC and Seattle...

I'll miss you guys always...

Monday, August 03, 2009

I was 6 years old when I was first exposed to Cory Aquino. My parents took me to EDSA one day and all I could remember was a sea of yellow shirts with a man's face and caps with the L (for Laban) signs. I wore one such cap while propped on my dad's shoulders. Later that year, my brother was born on Ninoy's death anniversary.

Enter a year or so later, every time there would be coups against her, my relatives who lived near Camps Crame and Aguinaldo would stay at our place in San Juan for a few days until it was safer to go home. I would always remember how things would always go back to normal after those few days. Now, it amazes me that this woman held on and courageously faced all those threats against her and her family to protect the principles that she fought for.

Fast forward to 2001- those EDSA Dos days- or so they called it. I often told people back then that that was my second EDSA appearance. Cory was at the forefront of that too, because she was fighting for the democracy and freedom which was again denied to us by way of the unfair and biased proceedings at the Impeachment trial of Erap. I remember how GMA seemed like such a promising liberator- almost like the Cory of 1986.

But there can only be one Cory. In 2005, Cory joined many other politicians in asking Arroyo to step down. I wondered then, why she switched sides just like that, aligning herself with the former President she helped oust. But again, her consistency in fighting for this country's freedom and democracy has always been solid. It was the other politicians who proved to be otherwise.

Just last year, I had the honor of finally meeting and serving Cory at Angels Kitchen, while she had Sunday lunch with her family. She had ordered the Kimchi Rice with Beef Bulgogi, and when I told her it would be a bit spicy, she said she did not mind at all. She also ordered a Sprite to go with that. Every time she spoke to me or a waitress, she always smiled and said thank you. In the service industry like ours, that does not come often. :)

Last Saturday, I was deeply saddened when I heard about her death... Coming home from a late movie, we passed by the Ortigas overpass and I was mesmerized by the simple beauty of the illuminating lights coming from the La Salle auditorium. At that late an hour, Ortigas was filled with cars, TV vans and people trying to get into La Salle, for one last glimpse.

Tita Cory, You will be missed.

Friday, July 17, 2009

One of the best written speeches, in my opinion

The Fringe Benefits of Failure, and the Importance of Imagination

Harvard University Commencement Address

J.K. Rowling

President Faust, members of the Harvard Corporation and the Board of Overseers, members of the faculty, proud parents, and, above all, graduates,

The first thing I would like to say is 'thank you.' Not only has Harvard given me an extraordinary honour, but the weeks of fear and nausea I've experienced at the thought of giving this commencement address have made me lose weight. A win-win situation! Now all I have to do is take deep breaths, squint at the red banners and fool myself into believing I am at the world's best-educated Harry Potter convention.

Delivering a commencement address is a great responsibility; or so I thought until I cast my mind back to my own graduation. The commencement speaker that day was the distinguished British philosopher Baroness Mary Warnock. Reflecting on her speech has helped me enormously in writing this one, because it turns out that I can't remember a single word she said. This liberating discovery enables me to proceed without any fear that I might inadvertently influence you to abandon promising careers in business, law or politics for the giddy delights of becoming a gay wizard.

You see? If all you remember in years to come is the 'gay wizard' joke, I've still come out ahead of Baroness Mary Warnock. Achievable goals: the first step towards personal improvement.

Actually, I have wracked my mind and heart for what I ought to say to you today. I have asked myself what I wish I had known at my own graduation, and what important lessons I have learned in the 21 years that has expired between that day and this.

I have come up with two answers. On this wonderful day when we are gathered together to celebrate your academic success, I have decided to talk to you about the benefits of failure. And as you stand on the threshold of what is sometimes called 'real life', I want to extol the crucial importance of imagination.

These might seem quixotic or paradoxical choices, but please bear with me.

Looking back at the 21-year-old that I was at graduation, is a slightly uncomfortable experience for the 42-year-old that she has become. Half my lifetime ago, I was striking an uneasy balance between the ambition I had for myself, and what those closest to me expected of me.

I was convinced that the only thing I wanted to do, ever, was to write novels. However, my parents, both of whom came from impoverished backgrounds and neither of whom had been to college, took the view that my overactive imagination was an amusing personal quirk that could never pay a mortgage, or secure a pension.

They had hoped that I would take a vocational degree; I wanted to study English Literature. A compromise was reached that in retrospect satisfied nobody, and I went up to study Modern Languages. Hardly had my parents' car rounded the corner at the end of the road than I ditched German and scuttled off down the Classics corridor.

I cannot remember telling my parents that I was studying Classics; they might well have found out for the first time on graduation day. Of all subjects on this planet, I think they would have been hard put to name one less useful than Greek mythology when it came to securing the keys to an executive bathroom.

I would like to make it clear, in parenthesis, that I do not blame my parents for their point of view. There is an expiry date on blaming your parents for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you are old enough to take the wheel, responsibility lies with you. What is more, I cannot criticise my parents for hoping that I would never experience poverty. They had been poor themselves, and I have since been poor, and I quite agree with them that it is not an ennobling experience. Poverty entails fear, and stress, and sometimes depression; it means a thousand petty humiliations and hardships. Climbing out of poverty by your own efforts, that is indeed something on which to pride yourself, but poverty itself is romanticised only by fools.

What I feared most for myself at your age was not poverty, but failure.

At your age, in spite of a distinct lack of motivation at university, where I had spent far too long in the coffee bar writing stories, and far too little time at lectures, I had a knack for passing examinations, and that, for years, had been the measure of success in my life and that of my peers.

I am not dull enough to suppose that because you are young, gifted and well-educated, you have never known hardship or heartbreak. Talent and intelligence never yet inoculated anyone against the caprice of the Fates, and I do not for a moment suppose that everyone here has enjoyed an existence of unruffled privilege and contentment.

However, the fact that you are graduating from Harvard suggests that you are not very well-acquainted with failure. You might be driven by a fear of failure quite as much as a desire for success. Indeed, your conception of failure might not be too far from the average person's idea of success, so high have you already flown academically.

Ultimately, we all have to decide for ourselves what constitutes failure, but the world is quite eager to give you a set of criteria if you let it. So I think it fair to say that by any conventional measure, a mere seven years after my graduation day, I had failed on an epic scale. An exceptionally short-lived marriage had imploded, and I was jobless, a lone parent, and as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless. The fears my parents had had for me, and that I had had for myself, had both come to pass, and by every usual standard, I was the biggest failure I knew.

Now, I am not going to stand here and tell you that failure is fun. That period of my life was a dark one, and I had no idea that there was going to be what the press has since represented as a kind of fairy tale resolution. I had no idea how far the tunnel extended, and for a long time, any light at the end of it was a hope rather than a reality.

So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had already been realised, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.

You might never fail on the scale I did, but some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.

Failure gave me an inner security that I had never attained by passing examinations. Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way. I discovered that I had a strong will, and more discipline than I had suspected; I also found out that I had friends whose value was truly above rubies.

The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive. You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift, for all that it is painfully won, and it has been worth more to me than any qualification I ever earned.

Given a time machine or a Time Turner, I would tell my 21-year-old self that personal happiness lies in knowing that life is not a check-list of acquisition or achievement. Your qualifications, your CV, are not your life, though you will meet many people of my age and older who confuse the two. Life is difficult, and complicated, and beyond anyone's total control, and the humility to know that will enable you to survive its vicissitudes.

You might think that I chose my second theme, the importance of imagination, because of the part it played in rebuilding my life, but that is not wholly so. Though I will defend the value of bedtime stories to my last gasp, I have learned to value imagination in a much broader sense. Imagination is not only the uniquely human capacity to envision that which is not, and therefore the fount of all invention and innovation. In its arguably most transformative and revelatory capacity, it is the power that enables us to empathise with humans whose experiences we have never shared.

One of the greatest formative experiences of my life preceded Harry Potter, though it informed much of what I subsequently wrote in those books. This revelation came in the form of one of my earliest day jobs. Though I was sloping off to write stories during my lunch hours, I paid the rent in my early 20s by working in the research department at Amnesty International's headquarters in London.

There in my little office I read hastily scribbled letters smuggled out of totalitarian regimes by men and women who were risking imprisonment to inform the outside world of what was happening to them. I saw photographs of those who had disappeared without trace, sent to Amnesty by their desperate families and friends. I read the testimony of torture victims and saw pictures of their injuries. I opened handwritten, eye-witness accounts of summary trials and executions, of kidnappings and rapes.

Many of my co-workers were ex-political prisoners, people who had been displaced from their homes, or fled into exile, because they had the temerity to think independently of their government. Visitors to our office included those who had come to give information, or to try and find out what had happened to those they had been forced to leave behind.

I shall never forget the African torture victim, a young man no older than I was at the time, who had become mentally ill after all he had endured in his homeland. He trembled uncontrollably as he spoke into a video camera about the brutality inflicted upon him. He was a foot taller than I was, and seemed as fragile as a child. I was given the job of escorting him to the Underground Station afterwards, and this man whose life had been shattered by cruelty took my hand with exquisite courtesy, and wished me future happiness.

And as long as I live I shall remember walking along an empty corridor and suddenly hearing, from behind a closed door, a scream of pain and horror such as I have never heard since. The door opened, and the researcher poked out her head and told me to run and make a hot drink for the young man sitting with her. She had just given him the news that in retaliation for his own outspokenness against his country's regime, his mother had been seized and executed.

Every day of my working week in my early 20s I was reminded how incredibly fortunate I was, to live in a country with a democratically elected government, where legal representation and a public trial were the rights of everyone.

Every day, I saw more evidence about the evils humankind will inflict on their fellow humans, to gain or maintain power. I began to have nightmares, literal nightmares, about some of the things I saw, heard and read.

And yet I also learned more about human goodness at Amnesty International than I had ever known before.

Amnesty mobilises thousands of people who have never been tortured or imprisoned for their beliefs to act on behalf of those who have. The power of human empathy, leading to collective action, saves lives, and frees prisoners. Ordinary people, whose personal well-being and security are assured, join together in huge numbers to save people they do not know, and will never meet. My small participation in that process was one of the most humbling and inspiring experiences of my life.

Unlike any other creature on this planet, humans can learn and understand, without having experienced. They can think themselves into other people's minds, imagine themselves into other people's places.

Of course, this is a power, like my brand of fictional magic, that is morally neutral. One might use such an ability to manipulate, or control, just as much as to understand or sympathise.

And many prefer not to exercise their imaginations at all. They choose to remain comfortably within the bounds of their own experience, never troubling to wonder how it would feel to have been born other than they are. They can refuse to hear screams or to peer inside cages; they can close their minds and hearts to any suffering that does not touch them personally; they can refuse to know.

I might be tempted to envy people who can live that way, except that I do not think they have any fewer nightmares than I do. Choosing to live in narrow spaces can lead to a form of mental agoraphobia, and that brings its own terrors. I think the wilfully unimaginative see more monsters. They are often more afraid.

What is more, those who choose not to empathise may enable real monsters. For without ever committing an act of outright evil ourselves, we collude with it, through our own apathy.

One of the many things I learned at the end of that Classics corridor down which I ventured at the age of 18, in search of something I could not then define, was this, written by the Greek author Plutarch: What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.

That is an astonishing statement and yet proven a thousand times every day of our lives. It expresses, in part, our inescapable connection with the outside world, the fact that we touch other people's lives simply by existing.

But how much more are you, Harvard graduates of 2008, likely to touch other people's lives? Your intelligence, your capacity for hard work, the education you have earned and received, give you unique status, and unique responsibilities. Even your nationality sets you apart. The great majority of you belong to the world's only remaining superpower. The way you vote, the way you live, the way you protest, the pressure you bring to bear on your government, has an impact way beyond your borders. That is your privilege, and your burden.

If you choose to use your status and influence to raise your voice on behalf of those who have no voice; if you choose to identify not only with the powerful, but with the powerless; if you retain the ability to imagine yourself into the lives of those who do not have your advantages, then it will not only be your proud families who celebrate your existence, but thousands and millions of people whose reality you have helped transform for the better. We do not need magic to change the world, we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already: we have the power to imagine better.

I am nearly finished. I have one last hope for you, which is something that I already had at 21. The friends with whom I sat on graduation day have been my friends for life. They are my children's godparents, the people to whom I've been able to turn in times of trouble, friends who have been kind enough not to sue me when I've used their names for Death Eaters. At our graduation we were bound by enormous affection, by our shared experience of a time that could never come again, and, of course, by the knowledge that we held certain photographic evidence that would be exceptionally valuable if any of us ran for Prime Minister.

So today, I can wish you nothing better than similar friendships. And tomorrow, I hope that even if you remember not a single word of mine, you remember those of Seneca, another of those old Romans I met when I fled down the Classics corridor, in retreat from career ladders, in search of ancient wisdom:

As is a tale, so is life: not how long it is, but how good it is, is what matters.

I wish you all very good lives.

Thank you very much.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Prayers

Almost 36 hours ago, a family friend of ours was kidnapped. He is only 21 years old. I have known J since he was a baby... as he is my dad's godson, we would always spend good times with this family. His older sister, N, was a childhood buddy. I was naturally devastated by the news of his kidnap, but did not get the facts straight until last night at a mass held for his safe return.

They were closing up their store when 5 armed men stormed in to grab my friend, N. This is when her brother, J, offered himself instead in exchange for his sister. Such a brave and magnanimous act. So heartwrenching and the thought brings tears to my eyes.

Please help us all pray for J's safe return home.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

To A-

The past two days have been so out of place for me ever since i heard about your tragic accident. I remember how you were such a good friend and confidante to my friend E, and how you were one of M's bestest friends. We were never close friends, but yours was a name and face I was always familiar with. During the times that our paths crossed, in Boracay, at a mall or restaurant, you never failed to say hello and smile in that warm way you do. I wish i could have known you better in this lifetime, and my heart grieves for those who love you and who are crushed by the fact that they will never see you again. I hope and pray that you have reached a better place that we, in our earthly realm can only dream of.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

02.14.09

Valentine’s day is coming up with less hype than usual. For sure, there will be florists and restaurants scrambling to capitalize on one of the few days in a year that they can do really well. I’ve learned not to be embittered about it (see last year’s Valentine’s entry) and just avoid the rush rather than lament endlessly about the 100% inflation on flowers and food that will occur for one day only.

I’ve decided to spend time internalizing what Valentine’s Day means to me instead, and take stock on the years I’ve spent with my one and only Valentine. This year will be extra special for us. We’ve celebrated our last boyfriend-girlfriend anniversary last December, and will be celebrating our last Valentines day as an unmarried couple this year. Many of our Valentine’s days are spent like an ordinary day is, and for the first half of our relationship, we actually did the flowers and dinner date thing that most couples do for the heck of it. Last year, I told D not to send me flowers and save the money instead. We went to one of our favorite restaurants instead (which thankfully did not serve Valentine specials that I find limiting and expensive). This year we’re doing something different but which some people will be very surprised to hear, since it doesn’t seem like something I and D would do or like, but cheesy and corny as it is, its one thing that the both of us share, and in a life that’s shared among two people, I suppose that is what really counts at the end.

Looking back, I realize that for some peculiar reason, God brought two extremely different people together. But in a deeper sense, I suppose that we are also two very like individuals as well. D is an introvert, a classic INTJ personality, whereas I am the complete mirror opposite- an ESFJ. But the “J” in both our personalities, grounds us to be passionate about the values we believe in. We both LOVE to shop and can spend hours shopping. But I shop at the mall for clothes, accessories and the like, while D’s mall is his trusty old laptop where he shops for the best businesses to invest in. We both cannot live without books, which is why our extensive collection can create a mini library in the future. My books are composed of fiction, rare literary finds, memoirs, poetry and some philosophical ones. His are those that are written by great people that range from the inspirational to the instructive, to finance and fitness. We both love our dogs to bits (even if he won’t admit it) but my dog is a cute medium sized Shiba Inu, while his is a misunderstood German Shepherd. D and I also are deeply committed to God, and strive to be better Christians, though he would rather do it quietly while strengthening himself with the Word, whereas I find myself committing myself more to acts of worship and service. The list goes on and on…

Right now, I feel blessed at the symmetry our lives have created together. Other couples lead completely different his and hers lives, but here we are trying to incorporate as much of our lives as we can to our relationship. Because of D, I’ve taken up running and have loved it ever since. I’ve started reading John Templeton and now think he is the most astute investor and spiritual advisor of his time. Because of me, D has been more adventurous to his food preferences and has been more engaging as an individual. We have now started buying common things like books and gadgets, thinking it more wise and practical. We even have shared friends in the sense that his friends have become as dear to me as mine have to him. There is beauty in sharing, as there is in loving, but what is most beautiful is the purpose of our being together, and for that I am grateful.