WARNING: Depressing Post Ahead
I'm 27 and I am in the crossroads.
How can one person be so sure as to what he or she does NOT want and what he or she wants, but become so unsure as to what to do next? I know what I want to do for the remainder of my life. But I lack the courage to see it through.. Does that make me a coward or just plain stupid? There are so many options, I know I am lucky, that all I have to do is choose.
I feel as if I am just walking on air, going through the motions of sleeping, waking, eating, doing what has to be done, all in a zombie-like fashion with some kind of adrenalin that makes me appear normal, happy, fulfilled- and all the positive feelings which a girl my age feels. Is this my teenage angst coming to the surface so late in my life? Or is it just early stages of depression commonly felt by similar women my age who have come to what they call as the "quarterlife crisis". I recently bought myself two "feel good self help" books, both of which are slowly gathering dust on my bedside, in my denial to read thru them.
The irony is that, just a few months ago, I thought I had myself and my life all figured out, complete with a five year plan. Only to have to realize that the plan was built on shaky foundation and therefore had to rebuild again.
The only thing I'm certain of involves the matters of my heart. That is perhaps the one thing keeping me going now.
I am trying to enjoy the ride, being on the brink of insanity and this emotional roller coaster of my life is the one thing that I know is real.
posted by kath | 3:24 PM
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