The Beauty of Parenting
Parenting is not an easy feat. I know because as the eldest of 5 kids, I was often tasked with parental duties from the time I was 11 or 12, owing to the fact that I had 4 younger siblings who seemed to have come out of nowhere. At age 13, I already was doing groceries and errands for my family and was already capable of taking care of my siblings. Yes, I had to grow up pretty fast compared to my friends at school- for some reason, I could not do things as freely because of responsibilities I had to do and also because I had (and still have) quite strict parents. However, I am not one to complain. There are after all, lifetime benefits to growing that way. I can survive without a yaya and maids and I know I will still be able to balance my life at home and work pretty well. I will not have a hard time surviving in an alien place because my survival instincts are pretty above average where that is concerned.
Nonetheless, the parenting I am referring to is not what I’ve enumerated but rather that of a deeper kind. Not in the tasks parents must do but rather in the actual relationship between a parent and a child.
People often say that after marriage, having a child is the end of a particular way of life and the beginning of another. Suddenly, there is a new mouth to feed (literally at first), and the scary thought of raising a child from scratch seems daunting. Parents are particularly filled with a fear of something going wrong, and as such they start to become controlling and “overparental” and it becomes totally overwhelming once the child grows to have his or her own mind and once he or she stresses on having his or her own life.
Of course it can also work the other way- where parents let their children grow freely, with little guidance, make their own mistakes but who will always provide a home to come back to- like the story of the Prodigal Son.
In both cases, can we honestly say that one parent is more “loving” than the other? How difficult to digest that “to love” is almost the same as “to fear for” that person. You fear losing a person so much or for a person you love to go astray… But ironically, the fear brings out a side to parents which children themselves grow to fear and eventually resent.
I suppose parenting is indeed a tough act to follow, but there is beauty in all this. For remember that we are speaking of bringing more people into the world, celebrating the beauty of God’s Creation over and over again, and thus begins the process of guiding them (the children) back to where they came from.
Nonetheless, the parenting I am referring to is not what I’ve enumerated but rather that of a deeper kind. Not in the tasks parents must do but rather in the actual relationship between a parent and a child.
People often say that after marriage, having a child is the end of a particular way of life and the beginning of another. Suddenly, there is a new mouth to feed (literally at first), and the scary thought of raising a child from scratch seems daunting. Parents are particularly filled with a fear of something going wrong, and as such they start to become controlling and “overparental” and it becomes totally overwhelming once the child grows to have his or her own mind and once he or she stresses on having his or her own life.
Of course it can also work the other way- where parents let their children grow freely, with little guidance, make their own mistakes but who will always provide a home to come back to- like the story of the Prodigal Son.
In both cases, can we honestly say that one parent is more “loving” than the other? How difficult to digest that “to love” is almost the same as “to fear for” that person. You fear losing a person so much or for a person you love to go astray… But ironically, the fear brings out a side to parents which children themselves grow to fear and eventually resent.
I suppose parenting is indeed a tough act to follow, but there is beauty in all this. For remember that we are speaking of bringing more people into the world, celebrating the beauty of God’s Creation over and over again, and thus begins the process of guiding them (the children) back to where they came from.
posted by kath | 11:22 AM
1 Comments:
that's a nice way of looking at parents. however, there is a dark side to it. there are parents who are selfish and have kids so that they can have someone to order around. there are parents who sell their children for money. there are parents who in a more subtle way, sell their children for money (by having them marry someone rich against the will of the child). i was acquainted with someone pretty old whose dad was screwing with his wife. there are parents who kill their children.
ofcourse, this can go vice versa. i've heard of relatively innocent parents who were killed by their children for money. i personally know of one who almost killed his parents. there was also a prince who slept with all his father's concubine and tried to overthrow his father from his own throne (read this from the bible).
i guess being a parent has its BENEFITS, COSTS and RISKS. are we willing to take the risk of encountering the above scenarios for the sake of the hope that we'll get the benefits?
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